Blogs are stupid, but WTF
Sometimes I write shit that cracks me up. Sometimes I write shit that I want to keep for posterity. Sometimes I just need to dump the endlessly derailing train of thought in my head. Here's where I'm...
View ArticleStuff I would have thought was obvious
Originally posted (by me, duh) on Craig's List Rants & Raves on 5/11/05...Now, y'all are free to ignore any of the below, 'cause god knows a lot of you already do, but what follows are a few...
View ArticleKids Love Me!
This is an e-mail I sent to a friend....So, I was about to head down to the corner store to get beer (I'm nurturing the drunken Viking plunderer-cum-seeding-of-the-Celts portion of my genetic heritage...
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I'm such a loser...and my cat gets piss shivers
Yeah, this was an e-mail, as well. I swear there's more to my life than my frigging cats. Honest....Okay, so this speaks volumes about my inability to filter even the most mundane detail of my life out...
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Holy CRAP, it's cold!
E-mail to a friend-...I can't believe I'm whining about 60 degrees, but dayam, it's cold in here.I shot myself in the eye with parmesan cheese from my Caesar salad. No, I don't know how in the hell I...
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Who Put Hash in My Coffee?
I've decided that FreshDirect has gotten fed up with me complaining when they send me dirt-soaked Boston lettuce or can't tell the difference between shiitake and crimini mushrooms and send me the...
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My neighbor is tunneling to China through my dining room
For the past week or so, I've been using a laptop in my dining room. The reason for this is both boring and irrelevant. Basically, I had it in there for a reason one day and I'm a lazy sot (okay, so...
View ArticleI ate so much food today that my boobs are gonna be bigger tomorrow.
So I forgot to eat yesterday (that happens sometimes). Apparently my body was pretty pissed off about it, because I think I ate the equivalent of several small children today. Holy shit, I'm in pain, I...
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"Hi, I wrote and directed my own movie and it sucked so badly that now I'm...
As I mentioned, I watched The Smokers this weekend. As I discovered later when perusing reviews on IMDB, I, like many others, found this movie in the bargain bin at a Wal-Mart (don't ask what I was...
View ArticleI do my best work in alt.
Put your little mousie (no, the computer one, you doofus) over the pictures in these posts. I love alt text.
View ArticleThe house across the street has grown a tentacle
The world's largest clothes dryer vent tube appears to have sprouted from the roof of one of the brownstones across the street. I don't know what it is. Perhaps it is an escape shaft for attic gnomes....
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Attack of the Gotti-bes
Okay, it was bad enough when these Jersey(whoops, Long Island) guidos got a television show so that they could show the world what uncouth, disrespectful, "my grandpa was a mob boss so I'm SPEshul"...
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I'm going to steal your Big Wheel.
Dear Male Crotch Cricket Who Lives Down the Street:I'm sure your parents think you're adorable. I'll bet your grandparents think you're the cutest thing EVER. I, however, think you're an annoying...
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Beelzebub Luuv
I had a Treo 700w (it's a phone). Then I didn't have a Treo 700w. Now I do again. Here's the summary (via copied & pasted e-mails):From: [me]Sent: Friday, July 14, 2006 1:52 PMTo: [my team at...
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Chury Duty
This is an e-mail I sent to my manager and teammates last week.Note: This is edited to remove any crap that identifies me or my Borg employer. My Borg employer is not the "soul-sucking habitrail"...
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My cat plays the cello on this ottoman; do ya want it?
This is what I posted on Craig's List to get rid of some furniture I didn't want anymore. I'll address the responses I got in a subsequent post, but suffice it to say, there are some weird...
View ArticleI'm having spine surgery
E-mail I sent to a bunch of people you don't know (and of course, I am editing out the identifying bits for all involved). And no, surgery wasn't the first option presented to me; I've done physical...
View ArticleSurgeons are sadistic and Machiavellian- regarding my imminent spine surgery...
Spine Saga e-mail number 2, also edited so nobody sues my ass or punches me in the head when they see what I've written about them.Sent: Monday, April 23, 2007 6:20 PMOkay, so I'm having the surgery on...
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I am cyborg, hear me clank.This will be long and will contain the following:...
[This is the third (edited) e-mail I sent in my spine surgery saga. I left a couple of names intact- Charlie, my friend C.'s brother, because we're the only ones who call him Charlie, anyway, and a...
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The best-laid [travel] plans
Typical of my travel days...e-mail to F&F (friends & family).All,Thanks to a combination of Delta Airlines sucking and New Yorkers being unable to drive in 1/10th of an inch of snow and...
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